How to get your life back
For the past many years, my life was not in my control. My smart phone was in charge. As my phone got smarter I got more hooked to it and more disconnected from life.
The attraction of social media is undeniable. Reconnecting with old friends is the best part, but it is staying connected that takes a toll. Especially because you now are in touch with thousands of contacts across various platforms. You feel obliged to stay in touch. And time is a limited resource.
It was different once when all you had was a phone number. Before that, we didn’t even have that. We had addresses and we wrote letters to people who mattered. We sent cards. Sending, receiving, replying… everything took time. And in the time we spent waiting, we had a life to live. We went to school, college. We hung out with friends. We bumped into people we knew and had a good time. And then we left. Hoping we would meet each other again. And it was easy to drop friends you didn’t feel close to. Life was beautifully slow paced. And we could savor it.
Then we all know how cell phones took over our lives and smart phones got us pinned down on our backs. Too much of anything is bad for you.
We started feeling frustrated but we didn’t quite understand why. We had so much to do that even a moment of idleness seemed surreal. And then that day dawns when you realize that you are no longer in control of your life. That life is speeding, spinning out of control. You were being moved by a torrential deluge of virtual companionship and networking into a being you didn’t recognize but one that was morphing into something with acquired layers of influences and conditioning. The core values and passions were muted into oblivion.
That was the turning point for me. That moment arrived like a thief in the night. I began to realize the pointlessness of sharing personal moments of joy and excitement with distant friends. I realized that the stuff I shared ‘privately’ with people I knew, were not private but clandestinely public. And even if I was careful about what I shared, I had friends who mattered who were less so. I was always an avid reader. But surreptitiously the unread books kept piling up. I couldn’t read for longer than 5 minutes before a sneak into the phone. Young ones around me were having to shout to get my attention. I defended saying I was reading/doing something important. But there were too many moments like that. Ironically , relevant forwards on social media explained the harms of social media. The bell was tolling. For me.
Claiming my life back was not a single act of war but of many losing battles and mercifully, some victories. The war is still far from over but at least I have begun to fight back. Its a war worth fighting for and if you are like me, here’s what I did to get my life back wrested from social media pressure.
- Keep your apps to the minimum
You have a choice when it comes to what apps to use. There is tremendous social pressure to be ‘in’. It is fun to explore but stay out of them and quit as early as you can. Don’t feel guilty at leaving. Your time is precious and its yours. So delete what you can. Delete unused apps regularly and don’t forget to delete the account and not only the app.
2. Do not have quick access to apps.
Don’t have screen shortcuts for social media apps. You can always go to the main menu and use the app you want. On the ‘wall’ only keep apps that you really want to use or which lets you get organised to do things you really want. Like the timer (for your meditation) or book reading apps. You can even relocate your reading apps to a tab, separate from your phone.
3. Stop all notifications.
Except for the urgent ones. You can keep your work mail notifications if its important in your line of work. But if you are among the lucky few who have fixed working hours, keep the phone notifications off outside office timings. Its a good message to send across to your co-workers, that you wont be reachable after office hours. Then again, if you use a laptop, that’s where you should access your emails from, not on your phone.
I also have notifications for my kids school app. But that’s it. You figure out the emergency apps for you. Social media aren’t emergency.
4. Mute your phone at night
Set a “Do Not Disturb’ setting that mutes your phone at a set time at night, for a set number of hours.
Half an hour before bedtime should be ‘without phone’ time. Preferably without screen time. Do not watch movies or series’. Read if you can. Books. Or even magazines. You can sip some green tea and listen to relaxing music. Or you can even meditate for a good night’s sleep if you are up to it. Muting the phone at this time keeps you from the temptation of scrolling on social media. You can slowly break off the habit of checking chat messages and media feed. Like any addiction, replacing with an alternative engagement works best.
The one difficulty in muting the phone is the fear of not being reachable in an emergency. There is a setting for the incoming calls to ring when a call is received from the same number twice. That could work.
5. Keep busy
It is dangerous to be idle with a smart phone. The temptation is too strong to scroll and doom scroll until you end up having wasted hours of your time. Find something to do throughout the day. If you are working, work. And if you are not working for a living, engage in leisure activities. The need for pursuing hobbies is all the more important these days of COVID crisis when everyone is stuck home. Join courses that engage you. It will give you a schedule. Get into hobbies you always wanted to indulge in. Learn something new. A new language perhaps? Or a new recipe. But stay away from the temptation of posting it on social media. Trust me, no one really cares. All they care about is themselves. Social media is a whirlpool best avoided unless you are selling a product. Use it to your advantage but not to your peril.
If you have more tips, I am all ears. And if you are someone for whom these tips don’t work, my commiserations. I hope you find your way out of these woods.
